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Dumped again? Time to find your Inner Lover

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Dumped again? Time to find your Inner Lover.

Sometimes love seems to fade and what was a happy relationship suddenly feels empty. Sad when both are in agreement that the time has come to finish, but even sadder when you are the one that is still in love but your partner wants to quit. How painful to be left with such longing and unrequited love! To be forced to separate and break apart all that was joined, can feel unendurably painful. Intense feelings of loss, abandonment and rejection can feel like they are ripping you apart. Sleep can become elusive and the desire to nourish your body diminishes. Nothing has meaning any more. Your world has been turned upside down. Depression can set in, with feelings of worthlessness. Sometimes this pattern repeats itself. A new love is found and the same thing happens again. How can one survive such pain? The seemingly never ending cycle of loss and abandonment can trigger a rage leading to destruction of everything around you. You might even direct it towards yourself in a very unconscious way through self destructive behaviours such as addictions like, heavy drinking, drugs, shop lifting or promiscuity. An endless cycle of things that seek to evade the intensity of the pain of loss.

Lifting yourself out of such a situation can be difficult especially if there has become a pattern of addiction. How can you regain a sense of worthiness when you have deemed yourself unworthy and then done things that cause you to feel even more shame? Life becomes a spiral of pain. And yet, astonishingly, it is possible to change your life and to even find love again. It will be remarkable when you get to the other side of this experience, like you are a new person.

Human love and connection is powerful and important. We need each other and we need to be loved. When we have been broken too many times we may not even love ourselves. The first step in healing relationship is to heal yourself. Can you learn to treat yourself as your beloved? No amount of seeking this love outside of yourself will ever end the pain if you are not loving and honouring yourself.

Take time to notice the ways in which you are not kind to yourself and begin to do daily things that make your life easier and happier. Put yourself first. It is not selfish. Become aware of your ‘self talk’. Keep a notepad and write down the negative statements that you make to yourself. Learn to counter these with a simple reply to your mind ‘thank you for your opinion, but I don’t need this now’. Use EFT to work with difficult emotions that arise, saying always ‘Even though I feel (put in your emotion), I love and accept myself’.

Make peace with all the places inside yourself where you feel angry or have felt betrayed. A simple daily practice is to create a quiet and safe place for yourself where you are comfortable. Light a candle. Pay attention to your breathing, allowing it to be soft and gentle. When you notice a painful thought or emotion or physical sensation you can gently say, ‘I release (state the experience) with forgiveness and love.

Another powerful practice is Ho’oponopono, the Hawaiian prayer of forgiveness. The understanding is that what we experience in life, moment to moment is a result of the sum total of everything that has happened before. Negative experiences arising in the moment are aberrations in our energy field as a result of this collection of memories. In your meditative state, when you notice a painful event, visualize it as an error in your field and send pink light and love to the problem. Then say, ‘I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you. Thank you’. By untangling yourself from the perceived perpetrator of your pain you are freeing yourself. It is not so that you stay a victim or a doormat, but so that you experience that you yourself are worthy and powerful. You can read more about this on my blog. Or for help with healing trauma, book sessions with Juliet Yelverton or visit healing-waters.co.uk or call 01458 835859.


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